Greetings and Salutations,
I have a few random, yet significant trends that I would like to discuss and possibly start a petition to possibly ban/discourage/outlaw, as these trends are extremely annoying and/or stupid.
Mall kiosk hard sellers - These people are getting aggressive. They used to only ask if you'd like to get more information about their product. Now they get in your way, kind of like a linebacker, looking to plug the two-gap.
Gas Stations with the whole cash/credit price difference - Fuck you. That's it on this one.
People that say "no offense" before saying something offensive - What a bunch of passive-aggressive cowardice. You know what, if you can't say something critical in a direct way, then you shut your cake hole.
People not from Michigan talking like they know about Michigan - Hey redneck politician, you don't know the first thing about this state. That is why you are in charge of a bunch of backwards ass hillbillies. The auto industry is very important to the entire economy. Read a financial book.
Selective use of manners - Listen, you can't just decide when to be polite. Manners should be like a shot of tequila, all or nothing. I'm sick of people adjusting their politeness according to their mood.
That's it for now, I will probably add some more to the list at some point.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
They Make Me Sweat in Air Conditioning
So, maybe I should introduce myself. I am Jason, writer of this horrible written and horribly neglected blog. That was my shrewd attempt at grammatic irony at its worst.
Anyway kiddies, for those who give a damn, I have a few updates on the old lifey-poo. I got a job in the insurance racket, and I am standing on thin ice waiting for hypothermia. That isn't negativity, but just a dose of lethally injected reality. The market is bad, and management isn't exactly in the business of taking it easy on John Q. Worker.
We finally got unpacked in Ace Duece. Moving sucks, and I am glad that portion of my summer is over. I essentially lived out of a suitcase for approximately 2 months, and I am glad all my stuff is only in two places within driving distance.
Other than that not much. I am kind of a loser.
Anyway kiddies, for those who give a damn, I have a few updates on the old lifey-poo. I got a job in the insurance racket, and I am standing on thin ice waiting for hypothermia. That isn't negativity, but just a dose of lethally injected reality. The market is bad, and management isn't exactly in the business of taking it easy on John Q. Worker.
We finally got unpacked in Ace Duece. Moving sucks, and I am glad that portion of my summer is over. I essentially lived out of a suitcase for approximately 2 months, and I am glad all my stuff is only in two places within driving distance.
Other than that not much. I am kind of a loser.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Jason Cannot Explain This
I have had a real tough time keeping up with this blog. To be honest, it bores me. I hate writing without an audience. I know a few people are faithful readers, but I need more. I like writing when I have deadlines and a reason to write.
This blog is not reaching enough people, and I need something to get me out of this rut. Normally, I am very prolific, but I don't feel the urge to write at the moment. I am hoping that an opportunity pans out very soon, but if it doesn't, I may just do something surprising like launching my own website.
This blog is not reaching enough people, and I need something to get me out of this rut. Normally, I am very prolific, but I don't feel the urge to write at the moment. I am hoping that an opportunity pans out very soon, but if it doesn't, I may just do something surprising like launching my own website.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Got You Beat in Points
Hilary Clinton should give it up. She can't win, so what is the point of continuing forward? Simple. She is trying to fuck it up for Obama, so she can beat McCain in 2012. She figures by then that the millions of retards who once again vote Republican, will finally realize that Republicans only give a shit about money.
At that point, she will be in the bird dog seat and it will be easy pickings in November of 2012. It's good strategy and it's also the only way she has a chance of being President before 2020. She has too much of an ego to wait that long, so she is trying to throw Barack Obama under the bus with the hope that he will lose to McCain in the fall.
When the American public actually has to start to foot the bill for Iraq, and McCain is in office, it is assuredly guaranteed that he will not even sniff re-election. Enter Hilary at that point, and you can understand her little rouse she is portraying to the voters and the media right now.
The funny thing is that people are actually buying her line. This reminds me of a hair-brained scheme that the Scooby Doo gang might use to catch the villain. I guess you need to be either utterly fucking clueless or deeply one-tracked to fall for her bullshit posturing.
Anymore, I feel like I am the only one in the boat with an oar. It is shocking to me that the American public has gotten so stupid, lazy, and gullible. I am surrounded by idiots, and it bothers me that people can't read in between the lines. To put it frankly, Hilary Clinton has an agenda, and that agenda will culminate in 2012. She is a lying bitch, and is putting her ego ahead of the needs of the American people.
It's time for change. That is why I desperately want Barack Obama to win the general election in November. Hilary Clinton is a decent candidate, but Obama is better, and the Democrats need the best candidate to beat John McCain in November. Hilary should bow out, and let the winner take his spoils. He beat you Hilary. It may not have been by knockout, but he fought a good technical fight, and the decision will be in Obama's favor.
At that point, she will be in the bird dog seat and it will be easy pickings in November of 2012. It's good strategy and it's also the only way she has a chance of being President before 2020. She has too much of an ego to wait that long, so she is trying to throw Barack Obama under the bus with the hope that he will lose to McCain in the fall.
When the American public actually has to start to foot the bill for Iraq, and McCain is in office, it is assuredly guaranteed that he will not even sniff re-election. Enter Hilary at that point, and you can understand her little rouse she is portraying to the voters and the media right now.
The funny thing is that people are actually buying her line. This reminds me of a hair-brained scheme that the Scooby Doo gang might use to catch the villain. I guess you need to be either utterly fucking clueless or deeply one-tracked to fall for her bullshit posturing.
Anymore, I feel like I am the only one in the boat with an oar. It is shocking to me that the American public has gotten so stupid, lazy, and gullible. I am surrounded by idiots, and it bothers me that people can't read in between the lines. To put it frankly, Hilary Clinton has an agenda, and that agenda will culminate in 2012. She is a lying bitch, and is putting her ego ahead of the needs of the American people.
It's time for change. That is why I desperately want Barack Obama to win the general election in November. Hilary Clinton is a decent candidate, but Obama is better, and the Democrats need the best candidate to beat John McCain in November. Hilary should bow out, and let the winner take his spoils. He beat you Hilary. It may not have been by knockout, but he fought a good technical fight, and the decision will be in Obama's favor.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Conversation with a Toddler
The following is a typical interaction that I might have with my best friend's 3 year old daughter.
J: What are you doing?
Me: Writing my blog.
J: Why?
Me: Because I am a blogger.
J: Bloggler?
Me: Yes, I write blogs, and people read them.
J: Read them?
Me: Yeah, and in a few years you will read too.
J: Why?
Me: You don't want to read?
J: No.
Me: If you don't read, you will be illiterate.
J: Illrit?
Me: See, you are already kind of illiterate.
J: No I not.
Me: Yes you are, that was really bad grammar.
J: Bad Grammar?
Me: Yes, illiterate people usually have bad grammar.
J: I went to Mickey's House(Mickey Mouse).
Me: Nice grammar.
J: Nice grammar Jason.
Me: I know, its because I am not illiterate.
J: Illrit?
Me: Yes. Illrit.
J: What are you doing?
Me: Writing my blog.
J: Why?
Me: Because I am a blogger.
J: Bloggler?
Me: Yes, I write blogs, and people read them.
J: Read them?
Me: Yeah, and in a few years you will read too.
J: Why?
Me: You don't want to read?
J: No.
Me: If you don't read, you will be illiterate.
J: Illrit?
Me: See, you are already kind of illiterate.
J: No I not.
Me: Yes you are, that was really bad grammar.
J: Bad Grammar?
Me: Yes, illiterate people usually have bad grammar.
J: I went to Mickey's House(Mickey Mouse).
Me: Nice grammar.
J: Nice grammar Jason.
Me: I know, its because I am not illiterate.
J: Illrit?
Me: Yes. Illrit.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Legal Protection
Just in case my mom tries to sue me!!!
Jason Corn – President, Chubby Penguin Media
May 1, 2008
Ken and Cindy Gardner
Chairman and CEO
Weddings from Hell
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Gardner:
Thank you for choosing Chubby Penguin Media to handle the media for your daughter’s wedding (Job 666). The following agreement spells out the terms and conditions of this project. Please keep a copy for your records and return a signed copy to me in the enclosed envelope.
Job 666 is a series of events to be recorded by different media interfaces. I will record these events for you and provide such marketing and editorial consulting services as may be required to implement the project.
My base fee for the services I describe above is that no one other than Mrs. Gardner gives me any input about wedding photographs. All other input is unwelcome and will not be tolerated. That fee estimate is based on 5 or 6 hours of working time and complete silence regarding pictures unless it is coming out of Mrs. Gardner’s mouth, and includes time for poking fun of Ryan’s tie, trying not to laugh if anyone falls, blaming Michelle if I screw up the pictures, making sure to photograph Mr. Gardner’s ex-wife so she looks really fat, consulting Mitchell on how to seat me next to the most attractive women in the church, travel, and researching the wedding menu.
Copy revisions are included in my base fee. At such time as the total time devoted by me exceeds two hours, I will bill you for additional working time by sleeping in a chair while everyone else cleans up the reception hall.
Out-of-pocket expenses, such as listening to one of Ryan’s rants about his wedding, anyone crying, my wife complaining about her hair, and generally anyone hassling me about photos incurred in connection with the project will be billed to you in itemized statements.
Any person putting in their two cents regarding media besides parties from Chubby Penguin Media or Weddings from Hell will cause a breach of contract that is subsequently punishable by a high colonic in Tijuana or listening to The Rise and Fall of the Holy Roman Empire: From Charlemagne to Napoleon on tape, as narrated by Paris Hilton. Please mail any expense bill within 10 days of completion of project.
Sincerely,
Jason Corn
President, Chubby Penguin Media
ACCEPTED AND AGREED:
By: Date
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Return of the Prodigal Son
Life is full of opportunities when you allow yourself to look outside the box. And sometimes the inside is outside and the outside is inside. Confused yet? In plain terms, things are not always what they seem.
I thought I had to live somewhere else to do something else. That is not necessarily the case, and now I am dealing with starting over. I didn't want to start over, but I realized that just because I am starting over doesn't mean I have to do things the same way.
I should have known what was important, but maybe I needed to see a new perspective to understand what is important to me. The last year hasn't been the best, but I know that I can always learn from experiences, whether they are positive or negative. This last year has stripped me of a lot of preconceived notions that ultimately proved to be unfounded.
I feel like a giant weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I am happy, again. I knew what I wanted since I left Michigan was to come home. Maybe it was a divine plan to have me struggle so much the last year. I am excited to move back to the Ann Arbor area.
I have a lot of things to look forward to and I made a little list for you.
I thought I had to live somewhere else to do something else. That is not necessarily the case, and now I am dealing with starting over. I didn't want to start over, but I realized that just because I am starting over doesn't mean I have to do things the same way.
I should have known what was important, but maybe I needed to see a new perspective to understand what is important to me. The last year hasn't been the best, but I know that I can always learn from experiences, whether they are positive or negative. This last year has stripped me of a lot of preconceived notions that ultimately proved to be unfounded.
I feel like a giant weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I am happy, again. I knew what I wanted since I left Michigan was to come home. Maybe it was a divine plan to have me struggle so much the last year. I am excited to move back to the Ann Arbor area.
I have a lot of things to look forward to and I made a little list for you.
- Sharing a house with one of our best friends
- Watching Tiger baseball games (They are rarely on national television)
- Bowling on a league with my friends and family
- Going to Wendy's with Mike
- Eating Sushi with Tom
- Going to Cleveland for the weekend
- Bratwurst Festival
- Moe's Southwest Grill
- Dibella's Old Fashioned Subs
- Watching UofM football (Badger country doesn't televise Mich games)
- Going to Pub with Jenny
- Bronner's Christmas Store
- Comcast (fucking Time-Warner pisses me off)
- Going to Lake Erie
- Raiding my Grandma's fridge
- Going to Detroit Tiger games
- Visiting SEEUS
- Being in MI on Thanksgiving so Michelle can shop with her Mom
- Going to my dad's fantasy football draft
- Putting up my grandparent's Christmas lights
- Going to the pumpkin patch at Wiard's Orchard
- Gabriel's, Bill's, Full House, Pea Pod, Chick Inn, Mr. Pizza, Hungry Howie's, Bob Evans, and a bunch of other eateries that are not in WI
- Playing Texas Hold'em
- Talking politics with Luke
- Michigan State Bowling Tournament
- Warmer weather (Milwaukee is always 3-5 degrees colder than Ann Arbor)
- Visiting Michelle's Grandma in Ohio
- Dallas going back to Dr. Bowren (he likes him better)
- Neveah and Julianne
- Family Cookouts (on my dad's side)
- Getting a membership at my old gym
- Michigan produce
- Traffic lights that hang over intersections
- Jerry Hodak giving me the weather
- Buying my nephew cool shit
- Driving out to Hell, MI
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